


and you're not gonna reach my telephone

by plantmajor



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Gen, Social Media, Some angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-18
Updated: 2018-10-18
Packaged: 2019-08-03 19:51:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16332383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/plantmajor/pseuds/plantmajor
Summary: Jake Peralta       3/25/14Brooklyn, NY            0:26Transcript:“Supppppp Santiago! May or may not have sent you another drunk text. Don’t ask. Charles ordered a lot at Olive Garden so that’s some context behind that. please don’t share it. Please. I won’t call you boring for like a year. Don’t let Gina see it. Thanks.”





	and you're not gonna reach my telephone

**Author's Note:**

> QUICK NOTES:
> 
> -this is my first b99 fit! characterization probably sucks! just let me know. i just wanted to try  
> -this is from after the bet to new captain  
> -THERE ARE MISTAKES BECAUSE VOICEMAIL TRANSCRIPTS ARE BAD AT GRAMMAR  
> -okay please enjoy!!!!!

**Jake Peralta     1/29/14**

_ Brooklyn, NY          0:23 _

_ Transcript:  _ “Santiago, just so you know, the next bet we have will be so much worse for you. I actually had some fun last night, so I was incredibly sad to hear that you also kinda had fun. Just remember I won! Thanks for losing! See you tomorrow.”

 

**Jake Peralta     2/8/14**

_ Brooklyn, NY        0:53 _

_ Transcript: _ “Hey Santiago.. Captain Holt just said that he’s promoting me to sergeant and that he’s sending you to  Kansas to restart as a beat cop. Totally true, not a lie--- No Boyle I’m kidding now it’s ruined-- Anyways, Santiago, there’s a sweet murder over here by Lafayette Ave that’s so big that I don’t even need to tell you the address.You’ll see it. It’s not sweet because someone died that’s bad!! It’s only sweet because it’s probably the best case I’ve ever worked. So far. So close your binders and get over here! We need some backuuuuuuup!”

 

**Jake Peralta      2/16/14**

_ Brooklyn, NY           0:57 _

_ Transcript:  _ “Hey Ms-I-Skipped-Fourth-Grade! Just wanted to check in. See how you’re doing. You’re not still dying, right? I don’t know how allergies work, I mean I do because I’ve been stung by bees 3 times. Probably not good. How am I not dead? Anyways I just figured that maybe fur allergies are different from scary venomous honey death insects, so I’m checking in. I said that already. This is weird. Feel better. Bye.”

 

**Jake Peralta      2/26/14**

_ Brooklyn, NY           0:49 _

_ Transcript:  _ “Santiagooooooo… Fill me in on how you embarrass yourself during evaluations. I really need something to laugh at and your embarrassment truly never fails at that… What was I gonna say-- Uh……. Oh Right! Fill me in on whatever case passes your desk that I can steal. Just fill me in on everything! Thanks. See you when I’m not almost homeless anymore. Also Gina says something about you being boring. Bye!”

  
  


**Teddy Wells    3/4/14**

_ Brooklyn, NY         0:27 _

_ Transcript:  _ “Hey Amy. It’s Teddy. I made reservations at an Italian place near your apartment so if you want I can pick you up at Eight. I hear they have really good pilsners! I feel like you’ll like them. See you soon.”

 

**Kylie Baker   3/6/14**

_ Brooklyn, NY     0:13 _

_ Transcript:  _ “Amy! Guess what? .There’s trivia night at Shaw’s next Friday! Guess our petition really did work! Call me back. Bye.”

 

**Teddy Wells    3/18/14**

_ Brooklyn, NY         0:15 _

_ Transcript:  _ “Hey Babe. It’s Teddy. Sorry to Hear about this weekend and your teeth? At least we have the next weekend off.  The cabin’s there waiting! See you later!”

 

**Jake Peralta   3/25/14**

_ Brooklyn, NY        0:26 _

_ Transcript:  _ “Supppppp Santiago! May or may not have sent you another drunk text. Don’t ask. Charles ordered a lot at Olive Garden so that’s some context behind that. please don’t share it. Please. I won’t call you boring for like a year. Don’t let Gina see it. Thanks.”

 

**Teddy Wells   4/7/14**

_ Brooklyn, NY      0:15 _

_ Transcript:  _ “Hey Amy. It’s Teddy.Sorry to hear you’re not feeling well! Guess we better get a rain check on those pilsners. Also I heard that Jake is going undercover for a bit, so that’s two birds with one stone huh? Call me back when you feel better.”

 

**Jake Peralta   10/12/14**

_ Brooklyn, NY          1:04 _

_ Transcript:  _ “Hey Amy, I know I was gone for like sixty years undercover-- Which is super cool and you’ll never do something as cool as I am--- but that doesn’t mean you can change where you keep your pens. You know I always bite them too hard and make them explode so I need new ones. Tsk tsk, Santiago. Please call me back. I can’t use Charles’ pens. Yours don’t smell like food. Plus they’re easier to use. I had something else to say. Oh yeah, also I was calling because there’s a robbery that Holt assigned you on. Get back soon. K bye.”

 

**Jake Peralta    10/17/14**

_ Brooklyn, NY           0:12 _

_ Transcript:  _ “Hey Amy Uhhh, I totally know what a vasectomy is and since you didn’t reply to my texts i just want to make sure you know so could you please explain? For your benefit though. I know what it is.”

 

**Jake Peralta     11/1/14**

_ Brooklyn, NY          0:34 _

_ Transcript:  _ “You’re not the only one I’m sending an angry voicemail too, by the way! Victory was mine! How dare you help Holt beat me! Next year, I’m totally winning again. Cause I’m a Genius like that. Still can’t believe you, Amy! After everything we’ve been through? Wow. Woooooooooow. Wooooooooooooooooooooow.”

 

**Teddy Wells    11/15/14**

_ Brooklyn, NY          0:14 _

_ Transcript:  _ “Teddy here. Are we still on for dinner on Thursday? I know you’ve been really busy, lately, so I just wanted to make sure if I have enough pilsners by then. Call me back!”

 

**Jake Peralta    11/28/14**

_ Brooklyn, NY          0:21 _

_ Transcript:  _ “Hey, Amy. Just wanted to thank you for your help at the lockdown yesterday. I know I did pretty much all the work but still. It felt nice to know you had my back.Happy belated Thanksgiving. Okay.. uh. Bye.”

 

**Teddy Wells     11/30/14**

_ Brooklyn, NY            0:11 _

_ Transcript:  _ “Hey Amy, it’s Teddy and I just had to call you. I have a surprise planned! Haha… See you soon. Wink.”

 

**Jake Peralta   11/31/14**

_ Brooklyn, NY          0:13 _

_ Transcript:  _ “Sorry, Amy. About the road trip. Didn’t mean to accidentally make everything awkward between us. Yeah. Bye.”

 

**Jake Peralta       1/13/15**

_ Brooklyn, NY          0:23 _

_ Transcript:  _ “Hey. Just wanted to let you know that I won’t be in tomorrow. I think Gina gave me a number that wasn’t Holt’s as a prank, so I figured I would tell you. Not that you would care but Sophia kinda broke up with me so I figured I would get a day to clean out her stuff and… stuff… okay. Bye.”

 

**Charles Boyle     1/31/15**

_ Brooklyn, NY             0:34 _

_ Transcript:  _ “Hey Amy, I just wanted to thank you for helping out with the wedding on Saturday! It really meant a lot to me and my dad and obviously Jake-- for second there I thought you guys were actually engaged! I actually dreamt about it last night, it was exhilarating--- It was, Jake! A guy can drea-- don’t grab the phone don’t grab the phone---!”

 

**Jake Peralta      1/31/15**

_ Brooklyn, NY     0:07 _

_ Transcript:  _ “Please ignore Charles’ last voicemail. Thanks”

 

**Jake Peralta      3/** **_4/15_ **

_ Brooklyn, NY         0:49 _

_ Transcript:  _ “Hey, Amy. Thanks for your help on Thursday with Hoytsman. It meant a lot. Anyways, uh. I was just wondering if you wanted to grab a drink tomorrow-- Sunday, to like, get ready for the week. I’m not just asking you by the way! I’m asking everyone! It’s not a date. It’s not like that. If it were a date with all of us it would be an orgy. Oh, Grandma? Is that you? You’re back from the grave? Okay, I’m gonna go. This is important; I’ll be right there grandma! Just let me know your answer bye!”

 

**Jake Peralta** **_3/30/15_ **

_ Brooklyn, NY           0:27 _

_ Transcript:  _ “Hey Ames, uhh-- I know you said you’re not dating cops anymore but we kissed twice yesterday and I just want to make sure that it-- that I wasn’t a mistake. It wasn’t for me. Okay, uhh-- bye.”

 

**Jake Peralta      4/1/15**

_ Brooklyn, NY          0:15  _

_ Transcript:  _ “We broke a rule but it’s the best rule I’ve ever broken. See you tomorrow. I’m winking right now but you can’t see. Wink.”


End file.
